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features >> what the hell am i doing?

Written By Shaun McCracken

March 10, 2005

Episode 2: That's Not Rated "E"! That's Not Even An "E-10+"!

Perhaps I'm wasting valuable webspace here, or maybe I just touched on something that is potentially, fairly amusing. It's also something that might make you blurt out "DUH!", but like I give a crap what you say. Anyway, it's funny how you can make an E-rated game suddenly turn M-rated. Not by adding violence, or even realy changing the game in any way. The game can still be the same, yet it's what you can use that would actually bump the rating up a notch or two.

I'm referring to using the custom soundtrack feature that is provided on the Xbox. I know, many of you who own an Xbox knows you can rip and use your own music through the Xbox hard drive. It's not like I discovered this yesterday and I'm spreading the word about it. However, it's funny to say how much more "colorful" you can make an E-rated game using this feature. Games like Project Gotham Racing 2, RalliSport Challenge 2 and APEX are all E-rated, yet you can turn them into an M-rated game so fast, provided you have the music to do this. Funny to cruise down the streets of Sydney (PGR2) or blast through the streets of Monte Carlo (RC2) with music blasting "uh-huh that's my sh*t .... ooh this my sh*t, it's my sh*t, ooh this my sh*t, it's my sh*t, ooh this my sh*t, it's my sh*t, ooh this my sh*t, it's my sh*t..." from Gwen Stefani's "Hollaback Girl". Actually, it is pretty funny (and catchy too). Thanks to Gwens pottymouth, those two games go from E-rated to borderline M-rated (I'm sure you can use the word "sh*t" in a T-rated game).

But dirty lyrics from custom soundtracks are just the beginning on how to turn innocent games into nasty ones. Games that offer decal, pattern or other types of graphic editors can provide raunchy fun. If you remember in the last episode of "What The Hell...", I mentioned that I had a pattern of the word "MILF" in Animal Crossing. MILF stands for "Mom I'd Like To F*ck", if you didn't know. That's a T-rating right there. I actually spelled it out in Jet Set Radio Future (with the F-bomb included), so that goes from a T to an M-rating. You can also paint filthy explitives onto your car in Tokyo Xtreme Racer 3. Can't wait to see how much customization I can do in Forza Motorsport. If I can edit my own text, you can be sure I'll have a Subaru Impreza with the words "F*CK YOU!", written backwards on the front bumper (like an ambulance).

My, have we come a long way from entering the letters "ASS" and "POO" on the high score board in arcade. As you're reading this (and as I'm writing this), you probably think that this is the writing of a 14 or 15 year old kid. I'm 23 you bastards! I just have a fairly offensive sense of humor, and I am the person who laughs at farts (provided it's a good one), and I'm also the person who shouted an F-word in an Old Navy store (inadvertantly, I thought we were closed). So for anyone like me who finds this stuff amusing, well, here's your page.

Sorry, no Kirstie Alley jokes this time, since she ate my notepad that had a spot of fettucine sauce on it.

*Gwen Stefani™, Old Navy™, MILF™, sh*t™, Kirstie Alley™, and f*uck™ do not endorse the content of this writing.